Like a lotta people, I’m sure, at some point, you think: “Damn, downtown is gettin’ old…Same people, different clubs….Same drinks, different bars…Same music, different place…so basically, Same shit, different night…” I couldn’t agree more…Plus, there are some shit that you get tired of after a while and you swear to yourself that you wouldn’t go out 4 a while…and next weekend comes up and you out there again cuz it’s a friend’s birthday…
I’ve gone out with all types of people…and here’s what I’ve learned…I made up a lil’ list of rules that I go by when I go out….

Rule #1: Always drive yourself (if you can…or take a cab)

Ain’t nuthin’ worse than havin’ to depend on somebody else to get a ride home…First, if your friend is tryin’ to hook up that night, you could be in the way cuz he/she still needs to drive yo ass home…Or if your friend changes plans and ends somewhere else where you don’t wanna go…it sucks for you…Plus you can go home whenever you want…
Note: This rule applies more to girls than guys…Cuz fellaz, we wouldnt try to cock block if our boy is tryin to holla at a girl…And girls, you always make hard on us guys cuz you always all come in the same car…so you all gotta leave together…BE INDEPENDENT, DAMNIT!!

Rule #2: Never go out with more than 3 or 4 people

This rule is very important and can determine how well the night is gonna go…The problem is dual…Either you out with a lotta your peeps and you all gotta get together and discuss what bar you all gonna go next while the clock is runnin’…Either, some people break out and get pissed cuz they gotta meet up with other people at a place you don’t wanna go to…Somebody will probably end up drunk and ruin it for the rest of the group. Or someone will be in charge of babysitting the group like a chaperone. You’ll have to wait for everybody to be ready to be able to leave. Sometime you’ll have to go back inside to get a friend who didn’t get the We-Gotta-Go memo. So here’s the equation: Too many people = too many opininons = too much management = too much drama…Unless you like drama, don’t do it…Which brings me to Rule #3.

Rule #3: Don’t go out with people who you know are gonna ruin your night…

Here’s the deal…There’s a few types of those…I’m just gonna name 3…First, there’s the complainer…This one is never happy about the situation because of his/her bullshit…”I’m tired…”, “I’m cold…”, “I’m sleepy…”, “I don’t like this place…”, “I don’t feel like walkin’…”, “It’s too far…”, “My feet hurt…”…Not just twice but ALL NIGHT!!…To those people…5 words…SHUT UP or GO HOME…and next time, take a fuckin’ nap before comin’ out….

Then you have the drama queen. I say queen because that’s usually a girl thing. Guys that are drama queens usually get into fights over dumb shit. That’s the girl you see on the sidewalk against the wall or sitting on the curb crying her eyes out because she ran into her ex-boyfriend who treats her like shit. So now you have stand there and make her feel better about the situation, even if it’s really none of your business, while 2am is getting closer by the minute.

Then you have the drunk….It’s one thing to get drunk and still have a good time…It’s another to drink like a hole thinkin’ you gon be aight…cuz you not…You just gon ruin it for your friends…Havin’ to carry yo ass to car…Walkin’ by a cop squad…Cleanin’ my shirt you just threw up on…Sorry but…I’ll pass…Especially if it’s not even 1am yet…As a friend, I gotta look out for you and take care of you…but damn…if that becomes a pattern, I ain’t going out with you anymore.

Rule #4: Downtown on weekends is pretty much ALL THE SAME

From Thursday to Saturday, it doesn’t really matter where you go…It’s gon be the same shit…You can walk in the middle of 6th street on a Saturday night and see people goin back and forth between the same 2 bars where the exact same song is playin at the same time…Unless you have a favorite place or DJ…Everywhere else is the same…You’ll end up bar hopping a lot. The only thing that matters is the prices on drinks…That’s all folks…

Rule #5: Go out during the week

I work 5 days a week and sometimes 6…That doesn’t stop me from goin’ out during the week…If you check that out, you’ll realize that the crowd is totally different than the weekend crowd…People don’t usually get outta control during the week so late night fights are outta the question here…They are just chillin’…Havin’ a good time…There’s only a few places open AND good AND they’re not packed like on Saturday nights…Usually, the music is much better…There’s more variety in the mixes and not just Rihanna and Akon looped 3 times in a row…

Rule #6: If you like to dance, don’t go out with people who don’t

This is probably a bigger issue amongst girls…Some girls are dancin’ freaks (you know who you are) and others just go out to sit on a stool and watch their friends act like freaks or watch the TV above bar…Guess what? You could do the same thing at home…You are just bringin’ the vibe down…Also, if you do like to dance, please wear comfortable shoes…You guessed it, that one goes out to ladies too…I know that high heels make your legs and ass look good but try to trade that off for being able to dance…Also, I know it’s Texas and it’s hot…But flip-flops in the club ain’t gon cut it either…If you decide to wear those, which I think look much better…(high heels, not flip-flops)…then don’t complain about how your feet hurt every time the song hits the chorus…And don’t think for a second that it is a good idea to break in your brand new shoes on a Saturday night. They will be in your hands by the end of the night.

Rule #7: The night does NOT have to end at 2am

I dunno who’s the dumbass who came up with this law, but I’ll whoop his ass if I ever meet him…Bars close at 2AM…OK, it sucks but oh well…This ain’t Europe where everythin’ close at 6AM (or don’t at all)…First, if you decide to go downtown at 12:30AM…You’ll only have 1 hour left…which is not worth it with the current price of gas…(unless you have a very good reason…) In Austin, at 2:15AM, cops chase us off the streets…And there are only 2 places you can go to…#1 is a 24/7 restaurant like IHOP, Denny’s, Whataburger, or, for those with some money left, Katz’s and stuff…By choosin’ this option, you have time to sober up…chill some more and enjoy a meal at the same time…Ain’t that great?…#2 is goin’ home…Crash on the bed (hopefully not by yourself), fully clothed, a alcohol breath and stench that you won’t like the next day…Or for those with more energy, you can always all go to a friend’s house and chill there some more…and chances are, you’ll do the same thing at your friend’s house…but at least, you got to chill with em some more…

Rule #8: Havin’ a Guys Night Out or a Girls Night Out SUCKS

Actually, guys don’t have “Guys Night Out”…They do worse…They call 10 of their boys and bumrush the place…and then ruin the ratio for all the other guys…You seen ’em…You can count ’em when they walk in…1, 2, …, 10, 11, 12 guys all together walkin in the club…and then complain cuz there’s not enuff girls in there…So guys, call girls when you go out…The proper definition of a “Girls Night Out” is just 3 or more girls goin’ out…So pretty much any girl goin out with her girlfriends IS a “Girls Night Out”…Why, you ask?…Simply cuz they always have to check on each other every 3 minutes…They never leave nobody behind…I can understand that…But damn, do your own thing…When a girl goes “I gotta go check on my friends…”, you better get away from her…Cuz she ain’t coming back…Especially if the 10 guys from earlier are lurkin’ around…So if you plan to go out in a group, mix it up…(but keep Rule #2 in mind…)

Rule #9: Never go out with a couple

This rule goes to all the 3rd Wheelers or Candle Holders as I call ’em…You never wanna be caught up in the mix with that couple…Especially when there’s some “drunkenness” (i dunno if it’s a word, but u got it…)…Then you gon try your best to watch out for your girl or your boy and you gon end up playin’ either Dr. Phil if they’re reasonable or Jerry Springer if it gets intense…If a friend calls you up to go out with his/her significant other…Either bring somebody else (single of course) or have other plans…

Rule #10: Have fun and keep the drama at home

Goin’ out should be like work…Your boss has always told you: “when you come to work, you work…Leave the bullshit at home”…Well, same thing applies here…except that you came to have a good time with the people you care about and THAT’S IT…Don’t let anythin’ get in the way…like runnin’ into an ex-boyfriend…fights…drunk people…somebody called you a bitch…and some of the rules above…fuck all dat…You only got 3 hours (assumin’ you got there by 11pm)…so don’t waste time arguing over where you gonna go, and who’s meetin’ who, and who’s goin’ with who…FUCK DAT…Have a Good Time. PERIOD, IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!

So there you have it…Bak’s 10 Rules of Goin’ out…Those are just mine…I know they seem kinda strict…If I had to pick just one, I’d go for Rule #10…which kinda encompasses the others…The other 9 rules are just lil’ annoying things, that’s all…Don’t think I’d leave my friend lyin’ in the gutter with puke all over him/herself…This is all ideal…Let’s just say I’ve gone out many times and most of those rules applied and I had a great time…So it is possible…Many factors come into play…just be aware of ’em…

You may have others…and if you do, please add ’em…Maybe we can publish a book called Goin’ Out For Dummies. I’m sure I didn’t think of all of them. Gimme some feedbak and help me make the list longer.